Approaching something similar to understanding....

I think I've sorta kinda figured out whats going on. I love people I can fix. An ex I had was a lot of things, but to me I think she was just a victim I could care for. A rape victim, dumped by her perfect guy, hated her job, her meds made her always tired, and we both complained about our lost loves to each other. The sex was spectacular, and when she fainted in the shower, I caught her, and watched her. I cooked and baked for her. And after she was gone, I was upset. I cried over her. I didn't cry over all of them.

I think I love the broken. Well, not love. I latch onto the broken. I hate that so much about myself. Why can't I make her just not matter?! Why?! These new meds give me understanding that is terrible and accurate and I love it and hate it.