But I actually find myself missing the two lost girls. I guess being distanced months since the incident I'm not as mad anymore. Really I could never be that mad. I'll always have that mad nonsensical hopeless infatuation with one, and I still really pity the unhealthy other. I'm probably alone in wanting to be on amicable terms with at least one of them. Then again, with her being single(probably) I'd still feel hopelessly lost when next to her. Sigh. I guess it'd be a bad idea to even send an envoy on my behalf to extend the olive branch. I never really found out what inspired them to do it. I thought everything was fine, I really did. And they disagreed. It's unlikely I'll ever speak to them again. I do have poetry with one of them this semester. Hopefully it won't be too...conflicting? Too argumentative? I don't know.
I'm horny, I'm lonely, I'm having nightmares about old, old lovers and self-inflicted wounds. I had a bad one last night about carving out the fat in my gut and chest. Mostly muscle and wide bones, but I hate myself.
Katie called me vain. Can I hate myself and still be vain?
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