Adrift in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex.

I really am. for me, getting a few new things and eating food I love is the height of spectacular, and I've been repeatedly engaging in intimate meetings as well. Not so impersonal and random as they sound though. As I've mentioned to a few people offhandedly, because I find it amusing, the universe comes together once a year for the explicit purpose of getting me laid. This year, an ex was dumped literally the day before, and as she pretty much always does after these incidents, she came back to me for sex. I don't really mind it. I enjoy the self-esteem boost I get during sex, having so much power over someone, though I am curious as to whether I'd enjoy the reverse. Never been with a woman capable of really taking control. Well, maybe one, but it didn't last long and....not going to go into that. Painful to consider. With Jess it's impossible not to dominate. I know this is stroking my ego, and she disagrees with me on this point consistently (if without much fervor), but I have spoiled her and ruined her for future relationships. In order to have a real, successful relationship, the sex has to be good to amazing. She still compares everyone to me in that area. At least the college boys she'll be servicing in a few weeks will be happy. I've trained her well.

I...enjoy...the sex. Not because I'm particularly horny or that I'm particularly attracted to Jess. She's alright. Her mind is wonderful and that does enough for me. But, I haven't had an emotional connection in so long. The sex is good for my body image, good because it gives me a work out, and good because it distracts me from everything else. For 3 hours on Saturday I forgot that my best friend is going to kill himself, that school is about to start and my ex-fiance will be around to taunt me again since she is returning this semester, that I'm thousands in debt, that I need to lose weight, that the country is going to hell.

Jess pushes my limits, sexually. I'm not usually a fan of duct tape, cuffs, candle wax, all that crap. But I'm accommodating as a lover, I do what I have to to make them happy. In a way, I've always been the subservient one to my women.

I need to run an errand today, just to the grocery store for 20 minutes or so. During my time at home I really need to finish my Joker story. I can tell it is close to being done, and I need to just ride it out for another few hours and it'll come together with a nice little ribbon tied around it. For those not in the know, I am creating my situation for how the Joker is killed in the comics. His popularity keeps him from being gotten rid of, but if they were to do it, this would be my preferred method. It's like "Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader," but in reverse. Sort of. You have to be a big fan of Batman in general to understand it. But whatever, I'll post it when it's done. Gonna do a sandwich review on the other blog at some point today too.

TTFN