It would appear that Jessica Watsky has abandoned me, much the way I abandoned her when I discovered Katie last year. It's quite poetic, but a tad depressing. I am still not quite sure what motivated her. Probably the Katie situation, but, I'd have liked a reason, or something. She sent me an email which I did not understand. I asked her to explain, and she opted not to. It's alright I suppose. She was a wonderful neutral source of information, always gave me the truth in emails and arguments. A pity, really. I suppose losing her as a friend in exchange for regaining my Katie is OK. It's more complicated than that, but basically that's all it is.
"An old man dies. A young woman lives. A fair trade. I love you, Nancy."
-John Hartigan, Sin City
Doesn't apply directly, obviously, but it's the same sort of thing.
In my world right now, there's a bit of an overflow of good things, that makes me slightly anxious, but I'm accepting of it. "Greeks bearing gifts," I thought, but maybe they're just really pleasant Greeks? Lindsey and Darren are...happy. Happy enough. They love each other, and their lives could be a little better, but they love each other. That's enough, and it will have to be, as always. We will subsist by the strength of our hearts. Our bodies and minds may give in, but love shall not yield.
Queerly enough, I expect Darien to go any day now. Lindsey and I shall be happy, and he will transform. Bereft of burdens he is free to leave. I'm happy. Lindsey is happy. Were living in our fairy tale towers, excluded from the piles of shit on the street, and he can jump with a clear conscience. Seeing one last time the difference in miles between the ground and the clouds cements my understanding of his motives, and my acceptance of his fate. Despite my lack of, ahem, support for his actions.
Tonight I had a moment of happiness approaching the levels I had when Katie drew on my arms last year. I don't know if I've blogged about that. Suffice it to say, it was amazing. Today, after we were together for a while, I was just laying in bed, looking at her sitting at my computer, giggling to Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And I knew she was back, she was with me again, she and I are...she and I. Ben and Katie, my landmark for happiness comparison, again. It'd be overwhelming if I wasn't prepared. But I am.
I won back my love on Christmas.
Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.
So, that's it for important things. I'm playing D&D this Friday I think. Seeing Katie again next Tuesday. Getting SCA stuff with my Dad this weekend. Oh, for the curious, Christmas/Hanukkah Gifts:
New Desktop Computer
Dice
Gloves
Clothes
Notebook
Sewing Kit
8 GB flash drive
Uber Chrononauts
Some money
Much love, everyone. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Krazy Kwanzaa, Tip Top Tet, and a solemn dedicated Ramadan. And happy new year, ya filthy animal.
(those last two sentences were quotes from tv and movies, not attacks on anyone.)
