Take my life, please!

Fuck my genetics. I dunno what I ate that my body randomly decided to reject, but I haven't been in this much pain in, I'd wager, about 10 years. I've taken a dose of every painkiller in the house, my sleeping meds are en route from the drugstore. I take enough of those and I'll sleep through being set on fire, which this is comparable to.

Was hoping to see new girl today, but, ah well. Tattoo is moved to tomorrow or Thursday, but Dad has my money so if I don't see him it wont be til this weekend and, overall, fuck my life.

I wish I was dead. I'm not suicidal, I just want to not exist anymore. Killing myself is a hassle.

Fuck me, fuck you, fuck everything.

Mediocre day

Lake compounce: weak start with drizzle, strong middle, good food, good rides, hanging with the best friend. Finished like Things Fall Apart. RAIN, THUNDER and/or LIGHTNING. Stayed 15 minutes for the raffle. No dice. Number was 100. 101 and 99 were called though.



Saw an amazing Asian chick at the park. she was with a guy whose arms were tracked like a subway map, and junkie's dad. Asian girl had recent cuts on her left arm. Hotness.

Soggy money is drying on a lamp. Had some of those long BFF conversations with D today. We spent hours chasing after tail, following a nice jiggle as it walked. We're two very lonely men. His woman is out in the middle of nowhere. I've got none.

I miss an ex. But shes no longer near me, and shes no longer single, and she sometimes reads this blog, so I'll keep it simple. I made a horrible mistake then, and I can't fix it. But I miss the hell out of you. I hope you come back someday. I was such a fool.

We discussed the whole 1 true love thing. Gwen Stacy and/or Mary Jane argument sprung up.

Tattoo tomorrow please, oh deities of ink and pain. Psychiatrist, call me tomorrow, you lazy woman. I need new meds. I can't be put on hold for weeks at a time. Not cool.

Such a fucking headache, have I

I'm home from the party. I had more fun than straight people are supposed to. It was fun wearing the hot chick's gay friend hat for a while. Some drunk whores got topless and made out and they played a couple Michael Jackson songs, so, it was a good night. I bought Vinny a shot of Tequila and he vomited it back into the cup.

I like dancing. It's fun. I like cutting loose like that.

An ex has added me to her contacts on yahoo. Don't know why. I got home way too late to find out. She's been logged off hours.

I've gotten Darien into Dr. Horrible. Kick ass.

Foam at the party got me all wet. Still feel shrivelly.

Good God, my head. Also my stomach.

Tattoo tomorrow iffy at best. Lake Compounce fuck yes.

It's gonna be a big day, tomorrow.

On the docket:

Tattoo
Ice Cream Cone at Friendly's (new flavor!)
SCA mayhem
Vinny's party at Alchemy

w00t!

Doctors are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

I'm cripping (is it cribbing? I've got no idea. Is that an actual word? You know what I mean.). My pharmacy fucked up. Again. That medication they gave me a solid 2 month supply of? Yeah, was only supposed to be on that for a week. Sigh. at least I caught it early. Today is my very last day on my half dose of paxil. Tomorrow I'll be on just my anti-psychotic. I started reading invincible today and am now addicted. I am enjoying the series, when it isn't reminding me of how fat and lonely I am. Tussy turned me down, which was somewhat expected. The Kristin front remains quiet. My dating site remains a desolate wasteland of depression and desperation. I've returned to an old forum to participate in a comic book character draft. I started it years ago and it's still running. That's pretty cool, eh?

Was hoping to do SCA tomorrow but it's canceled. I'll be moving crap for my dad's landlord in the morning. And starting tomorrow I'm going to go on a new diet. My whole thing has sucked, recently. I can't fast right. I'm just a complete fat fucking failure. So I need inspiration. After working in the morning I'm going to go to the store and buy 5 or 6 cans of beans. I will have 1 a day, with water. I'm calling it the Kovacs diet.

RONCH

I am more famous than you

http://www.wtnh.com/dpp/news/new_haven_cty/news_wtnh_newhaven_arts_ideas_festival_draws_big_crowd_200906142200_rev1

VIEW IT.

BWAHAHAHAHA

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/06/06/evolution-religion-s.html

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!




WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

"I think your whole life shows in your face..."

I love opening with a quote. Quotes have power, more than mere words. Anyways, I've got a little thing to talk about today. I've discovered something about myself and my, ahem, issue with faces. Dead eyes, staring, judging. I've covered this before. I can't be bothered to go through my old posts until I find it though. Anyways, I noticed something today.

I don't mind looking into crazy eyes.





Joker made me realize it, as he usually does....

I don't identify with the whole murder thing, but the crazy thing....this is troubling. Though, not very surprising. I remain placid and non-violent as ever. But the misanthropy and understanding of life's random tragedy....

General update: All medications changed. Anti-psych goes up, being weaned off the other two head meds because they don't seem to be doing much. I'm hungry a lot. I'm doing upper body work every day now.

I miss people. I'm worried about others. Thing with ex fell through. Sigh, I'd already bought the condoms. I emailed Amy yesterday, no response yet. I'm hoping to teach tomorrow.