Sunday, January 2, 2011

Possible future Jack Black literature abominations

After the blissfully low opening of Black's latest insult to things I hold sacred in the form of the adaptation(?) of Gulliver's travels, I started to wonder, what other masterpieces of literature could Black adapt into a physical comedy? The possibles are many....

A Modest Proposal
Jack Black plays the titular Modest Proposalawitz, a man who inherits a bakery from a great uncle and is forced to turn it around and make it a profitable business again to restore honor to his family name. The local butcher shop recruits him to make custom meat pasties, but hi-jinks ensue when Black finds out the meat is coming from an unexpected source: the local maternity ward! Opposite Black is his romantic interest portrayed by pop sensation Lady Gaga who plays a struggling nurse working in the maternity ward trying to support her newborn son. Directed by Judd Apatow Rated PG-13.


The Old Man And The Sea

Black plays career fisherman Jack Oldman. He has fun with his other fisherman pals, portrayed by Kyle Glass and Adam Corolla, but when the friends have a few too many while out at sea and become lost, only Jack can save them. While out looking he catches the film's hook, a magical talking Marlin, voiced by Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers fame. Together they must conquer the water, rescue their friends, and learn the true meaning of friendship, and the true purpose of fishing along the way. Rated PG-13



Lolita
After a tragic accident takes his new wife from him, Humbert Humbert, played by Black, is left alone with his step-daughter Lolita. Though it starts rocky, Humbert helps her pursue her goal of being the sexiest pre-teen alive as she chases after the pre-teen miss America pageant. Along the paegant road they learn a few things about love, about family, and about themselves, and with an ending that will leave you wondering! Rated PG.

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